Five Weeks

I can't believe it's been five weeks since I cut the top 8 allergins out of my diet. I've learned a lot in these five weeks. I've learned how to cook {this seems obvious, but it's a big deal for me!}, I've learned how to read labels {honestly never did this before}, I've learned how to find things I need for great prices, I've learned that I don't need to have snacks all the time, I've learned that this is all worth it!

Lucas is continuing to do great! I am so thankful that I have noticed a difference in how he is doing. It really helps me persevere through it all. Often when people ask me how I'm doing with this I say I'm doing good. Truth is, most days I am, but some days I'm not. Last Thursday I had an emotional break-down because I so badly wanted to eat "normal". I wanted to eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for goodness sake! But, no bread and no peanut butter... maybe just a spoonful of jelly? Gross.

In the midst of tears I realized that this is the hardest sacrifice I've ever had to make. Truly. I was comforted by the fact that it's okay that it's hard. It's okay that I lost it. It's okay that I'm dealing with a tough reality. No one said it would be easy, in fact, I was told by Lucas' pediatrician that it would be very difficult. Why did I expect anything different? Maybe because I felt weak? Maybe because I felt like if I acknowledged that it was hard I wasn't that great of a mom because I couldn't easily sacrifice for my son? What silly thoughts.

God's given me peace about this. Often I hear people say that God won't give you more than you can handle. Really? I have a sobering thought, that's no where in the Bible. Maybe people get confused with the verse in First Corinthians that saying God won't let you be tempted beyond what you can handle. That's truth. But that God won't give you more than you can handle. Then what the heck is happening to my life?! I think and know that God does both give and allow things to happen that I cannot handle. This is what makes me run desperately to Him. If I could handle it, then what would I need Him for? If I could handle it then what would I need those that He has placed around me for? See what I'm saying? 

I've come to the realization, the breaking point of not being able to do this. I want so badly to give up. I want so badly to eat a piece of cheese cake I have in the freezer. I want to badly to order a pizza for tonight so I don't have to make dinner. Even though this is what I want, it's not what I'm going to do. I know that I can do it. Not in my own strength, but because I can gain fresh perspective. I can remember that this is for Lucas and his health. I can remember that God has given me revelation of how He intended our bodies to work with good quality food. I can remember that I'm learning and growing in ways I never have before. All these things are gifts from God. I don't remember them on my own. If it were up to me, I'd sit in the place of self pity while munching on a frozen bar of cookie dough. Thankfully, it is when I'm in this low place that I am lifted up so that I can have fresh perspective, fresh hope that this is possible. 

I am thankful that I cannot do this on my own. I am thankful that I have a God who is personal and is walking with me through this. I am thankful that He has placed people in my life to encourage me and give me tips on things they have learned that make this journey easier. 

In three weeks from yesterday I begin to add things back in my diet. Until then, I will persevere. I will press in to Him who makes this all possible!